Writing -- Baby Talk: Alone!

The following article featured in a weekly column on parenting in the Women on Wednesday supplement of The Evening Echo, one of Ireland's leading regional daily newspapers. It appeared in the 17 November 2004 issue.

The silence was deafening. Even the roar of the jet engines couldn't intrude on the sense of peace. The seat next to me was empty and the person sitting by the window was a complete stranger. I was without my usual entourage, and it felt very strange.

This was the first time I'd been away overnight since the twins were born four years ago. Travelling on my own again was a curious experience. There were no feudal siblings to contend with and not a tearaway toddler in site. Bliss!

The gang all came to the airport to see me off, of course. They always love the airport, whether we're travelling ourselves or just picking up or dropping off visitors. The girls seemed completely unfazed by the fact that they were about to say goodbye to me for a few days. I wish I could have said the same for me. A part of me was reluctant to leave them behind, while another part yearned for the freedom that beckoned just beyond the departure lounge doors.

"I'll miss you Daddy," said one of the twins, throwing her arms around my neck and kissing me goodbye. I was only going to be gone for three nights, but at that moment it felt like I was leaving for eternity. Her twin sister bade me a similar farewell, and then it was the little one's turn. She didn't have a clue what was going on, and was much more interested in the excitement of the airport than saying goodbye to Dad. I picked her up and gave her a kiss, said goodbye to my wife and they all headed back to the car.

You get so used to the incessant demands of young children that it takes a while to adjust when they're suddenly gone. I stood watching them through the airport window as they made their way across the car park. Then I went through to the departure lounge and a few days of freedom.

What should I do now, I wondered? I could get a coffee, perhaps read a newspaper, or even sit down and do nothing at all. It was up to me. For the first time in a long time I was only responsible for myself. I didn't have to dislocate my eyes trying to keep track of the twins; there were no conflicts to mediate and no pressing need to change a dirty nappy. It was great, but I couldn't help feeling that something was wrong. Surely this was just too easy!

The few days away were a real break. Being suddenly liberated from the incessant demands of parenthood certainly throws the strain the children put us under into stark relief. Even so, it doesn't take long for you to start missing them. By the time I arrived at the airport to catch the flight home I couldn't wait to see them.

That didn't last long. I've been home less than 24 hours and have already been weed on by the baby while trying to change one of the worst nappies in history. She's teething again, and was up at 4:30 this morning. The twins, after fighting all day, have been in bed for over an hour and a half now and are still playing up. It's as if I'd never been away…. Welcome home Dad!