Writing -- Baby Talk: Blink and you'd miss it

The following article featured in a weekly column on parenting in the Women on Wednesday supplement of The Evening Echo, one of Ireland's leading regional daily newspapers. It appeared in the 05 January 2005 issue.

The inevitable hype and promotion that marks the build up to Christmas started as a trickle way back in October. Gradually it built up to become an all-consuming torrent, sweeping all of us into the hedonistic commercial frenzy that modern-day Christmas has become. And then, all at once it was over. After a lengthy and extravagant build-up the main event came and went in the blink of an eye.

One of the things I used to like best about Christmas morning was the fact that I could take things easy: I could do (or, more to the point, not do) whatever I wanted. For one morning of the year I was allowed to immerse myself in wonderfully slothful self-indulgence. But not any more!

Christmas morning has become anything but relaxing. It's all excitement now: walking into the living room with the girls to discover what Santa has left for them, getting caught up in the giddy exuberance of it all. Experiencing Christmas through their eyes took me back to my own childhood to the magical moment when I discovered that Santa had done his nocturnal rounds. And then the excitement evaporated as I realised that my next relaxing Christmas is years away, and that this particular Christmas morning I would be called upon to unpack and assemble a plethora of gifts, very few of which would be my own.

The girls got new dolls (again). Can anybody out there tell me why dolls have to be attached to the box with fifteen strands of industrial strength wire and at least twenty-five yards of twine? It took me an age to liberate them - all the time with a pair of impatient four-year-olds clamouring for their new toys and an impish toddler trying to climb into my lap… and I hadn't even managed a cup of coffee yet! Then I had to assemble the flat-pack cots. What joy!

In fairness the cots themselves were easy to put together - it was the frilly pink canopies that caused all the trouble. For the best part of an hour I struggled with the garish material, threading it onto the metal frames every which way to get the blasted things to hang properly. I finally had to draft my wife in to help and in a tremendous display of synergy we got both canopies attached in about half-hour. Great, but now we were behind with the dinner preparations. Christmas telly to the rescue! With the gang suitably distracted we adjourned to the kitchen.

In the end we had a wonderful family Christmas that was largely stress-free… or at least as stress free as it can be with young children around. It brought 2004 to a very satisfactory close.

And so we start what promises to be a pivotal year. You see, in 2005 the twins will be starting school. I know it's not going to happen until September, but that doesn't stop me from looking forward to it already. There's another reason that 2005 should be a great year. My brother is getting married out in Australia at the end of April. It's so far away that we've decided it's not worth going on a short trip, so we're taking the gang walkabout for about 2˝ months.

Are we mad? Probably! Am I looking forward to it? Absolutely!