Writing -- Baby Talk: Playground antics

The following article featured in a weekly column on parenting in the Women on Wednesday supplement of The Evening Echo, one of Ireland's leading regional daily newspapers. It appeared in the 05 May 2004 issue.

It's a stand off. Neither side willing to give an inch; neither side willing to negotiate. The tension in the air is palpable - the whole thing likely to erupt into violence at any moment.

Is this an Israeli-Palestinian confrontation on the west bank? Could it be a skirmish line between American troops and insurgents in post-war Iraq? Maybe it's a breakdown of the Northern Ireland peace process?

No, this is our local playground, where another child has had the temerity to sit on one of the swings. I'm over by the slide with one of the twins when I notice this unfolding. Her sister is about to go ballistic, and I don't think I can cover the distance in time….

Playgrounds are wonderful places, by and large, but they introduce a host of potential conflicts for parents to deal with. Children have no inbuilt sense of fair play. As far as they're concerned it's every kid for him or herself - especially when it comes to the serious business of having fun. Hence the proliferation of swing-hoggers (the twins fall into this category), slide-blockers, climbing frame hooligans and roundabout junkies you get in any playground.

A busy playground is a melting pot of different children, of different ages, from different backgrounds all trying to use the same equipment at the same time. In short, it's a time-bomb. Disaster is only averted by vigilance and timely intervention on the part of parents.

I always fall into the trap of believing that a trip to the playground will be a relaxing affair. I'll be able to sit on a bench reading the paper while I keep a roving eye on the girls as they play. Goodness knows where that notion came from, but it never ends up that way. Invariably I spend about 90% of a playground trip as "swing-pusher-in-chief" (yippee!), and the other 10% engaged in a desperate attempt at conflict management.

If the girls get a bit out of hand sharing the playground with their peers it's relatively easy to handle. They're my kids, and I'm perfectly comfortable stepping in and getting firm with them if they are being unfair. But what do you do when the shoe is on the other foot? How do you handle it when somebody else's child steam-rollers your three-year-old?

You hope, of course, that the parent in question is being just as vigilant as you, and will step in at any moment to chastise their overzealous charge… but what if that doesn't happen? Do you take it upon yourself to reprimand someone another person's child?

This is always an uncomfortable situation. It's all too easy to offend other adults by saying something to their children. Any parent's natural instinct is to leap to the defence of their offspring, regardless of blame - and the last thing you need in a children's playground is confrontation between adults. What sort of example would that set for the kids?

Unless absolutely necessary, I find that it's best to avoid stepping in too quickly. More often than not these things resolve themselves: the children pick themselves up, dust themselves off and carry on playing as if nothing has happened. On the rare occasions when intervention is warranted, it's usually because older children have been a little over-energetic. Carried away with their games they don't realise the impact they are having on younger, smaller children. Often all they need is a polite reminder to be a bit more careful around the little ones.

Problem solved, which means I'm back on swing duty. Oh well, no rest for the wicked, I guess!