Writing -- Baby Talk: I want to be in your gang

The following article featured in a weekly column on parenting in the Women on Wednesday supplement of The Evening Echo, one of Ireland's leading regional daily newspapers. It appeared in the 01 September 2004 issue.

Watching the twins together it soon becomes obvious that they share a special bond. They seem to understand each other, even at this age. Having a close sibling relationship is a wonderful thing. When the girls are playing with other children they remain constantly aware of each other. Sometimes it's nothing more than a reassuring look or a gesture of support, but they are always there to back each other up in the hurly-burly of childhood interaction.

Of course having a deep understanding of each another can be a double edged sword. It means they instinctively know how to wind each other up for maximum effect. They go from a peace and tranquillity to all-out-warfare in about one tenth of a second. Spectacular fights can and do erupt before we have chance to intervene, but hostilities usually abate as quickly as they start, and before long they are the best of friends again.

We make a point of separating them occasionally. I think it's healthy for them to spend a bit of individual time with Mum or Dad, and they always seem to enjoy a bit of time apart. But the first order of business when they get back together again is an in-depth analysis of what each one did when they were apart: partly from a desire to share, and partly, I suspect, an attempt at one-upmanship - a "guess what I did without you" sort of thing. They usually insist that they swap the next time around: whoever went with Daddy this time has to go with Mummy next time and vice versa.

But a disruptive element has crept into their idyllic little world of late… a blot on the once flawless landscape that's likely to alter the dynamics of sibling interaction in our household for good. After a month of solid practice their little sister has more or less mastered the art of walking and is now waddling around the house with abandon. Now that she is more mobile she's taking a great interest in whatever her big sisters happen to be doing, following them around everywhere and generally making a nuisance of herself.

She seems determined to muscle her way into the twins' little cartel. Although they dote on their little sister, they are less than keen to welcome her into their clique with open arms: it's a very exclusive club, after all… and when you're heading for four-years-old there are some things just too sophisticated to share with a one-year-old!

They say that "two's company and three's a crowd", and that pretty much sums up the situation in our house at the moment. You can't help but feel sorry for the little one. She just wants in on the action, but is too young to understand what's going on and just ends up in the way. The twins are so engrossed in what they're doing that they are often completely oblivious to their little sister's attempts to join in. Like all toddlers she gets frustrated quickly and robs their crayons, knocks over their building blocks or disrupts their game in some other way and all hell breaks loose.

It's not that the twins are mean to her… far from it - it's just that they get wrapped up in their own little world and it can be difficult to reach them. Even I have trouble attracting their attention sometimes, and I'm six foot five, nearly seventeen stone and can talk to them. What chance does their two foot nothing little sister who can't even talk yet have?